Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
