There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
