morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
