If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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