Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Help. Why am I so naked?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
