You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
