last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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