Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
