I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
