he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize