white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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