i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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