lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
