Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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