I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
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LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day