god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"