Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
