i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just forgot I was standing up.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.