Texts From Last Night

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  (559): View more from California

  I queefed so loud it echoed.

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  (559): I queefed so loud it echoed. http://tfl.nu/ujmt
  Replies (56) Good night (2024) Bad night (10908)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.

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  (337): Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop. http://tfl.nu/jwrv
  Replies (18) Good night (4686) Bad night (979)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

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  (904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj
  Replies (49) Good night (9318) Bad night (1439)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".

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  (302): He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice". http://tfl.nu/55zb
  Replies (23) Good night (5074) Bad night (1621)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.

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  (713): I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well. http://tfl.nu/o2ii
  Replies (4) Good night (1545) Bad night (522)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Goddamn tequila

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  (306): I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one (306): Goddamn tequila http://tfl.nu/4ri7
  Replies (5) Good night (2121) Bad night (595)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.

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  (918): We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off. http://tfl.nu/7uo8
  Replies (13) Good night (1780) Bad night (548)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.

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  (419): I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama. http://tfl.nu/jhww
  Replies (4) Good night (1130) Bad night (988)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.

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  (724): Sat down on an escalator. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/nzjv
  Replies (6) Good night (1627) Bad night (582)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way

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  (563): it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way http://tfl.nu/kc5u
  Replies (8) Good night (470) Bad night (995)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together

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  (816): First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman. (540): Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together http://tfl.nu/87tf
  Replies (3) Good night (971) Bad night (390)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.

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  (801): He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class. http://tfl.nu/8fc4
  Replies (1) Good night (367) Bad night (749)
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  (415): View more from California

  Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.

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  (415): Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me. http://tfl.nu/brt4
  Replies (5) Good night (1044) Bad night (314)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?

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  (727): If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student? http://tfl.nu/6ss9
  Replies (2) Good night (601) Bad night (239)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?

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  (267): I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins? http://tfl.nu/zr7p
  Replies (7) Good night (828) Bad night (293)

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