my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.