everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.