So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
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New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
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Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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