do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose