He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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