Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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