Where is the hickey?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
