remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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