Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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