i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
