she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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