Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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