Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
