shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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