My room smells like vodka and shame
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
