Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
