ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
