You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
