Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
