How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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