I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's like iHOP with fire
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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