I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
