I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
