He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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