we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Someone signed my nipple.
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