So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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