I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
