The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
