I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
