Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
