I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
