he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
