When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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