I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize