Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
