it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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