Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
