the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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