did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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