when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
