Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
