That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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