i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
