If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
