I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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