Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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