I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
