don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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