I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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