there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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