i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
