Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
