FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
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Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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